Night of the Living Turkeys
by INMH
Summary: CRACK. Gabriel does his good deed for the month. Kali watches.


Night of the Living Turkeys

Rating: PG-13/T

Genre: Humor/General/Romance  
>Summary: Gabriel does his good deed for the month. Kali watches.<p>

Author's Note: …THANKSGIVING FIC!

Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural. It belongs to Eric Kripke.

()()

Farmer Jones did not particularly care about animals.

Why should he? They were stupid beasts- Especially, God help him, the turkeys. Turkeys provided a profit most of the year, but now that the Thanksgiving season was upon them sales would be going up indefinitely. Now was the time to slaughter them and pack them up for sale.

Farmer Jones made sure the pens where he kept the turkeys were clean enough when the inspectors came around, but most of the time the hygiene of the cages left much to be desired. He timed it so that the turkeys were still relatively small when the inspectors came around, and so they didn't see the turkeys reach their full size and crush each other in the actually too-small cages.

Farmer Jones did not care about making sure that the turkeys were comfortable. They were animals due for the slaughter; why should he care if they were comfy when they were going to die anyway? As long as they were clean and not suffering from any illnesses when they were butchered and sold (thus preventing any salmonella outbreaks that could be traced back to him), he didn't care how they felt.

Farmer Jones did not care about his turkeys.

But he was going to wish he had.

()()

"Yes," Came the hoarse, gleeful whisper as the farmer began to walk out to the long barn where the turkeys were kept, an axe in hand. "Yes, my pretty. The moon is full and the time is right, come right to your doom, so unexpectedly, _yes_-"

A dry voice cut through the night.

"You're juvenile."

Gabriel rolled his eyes, straightened up, put his hands on his hips (Previously he'd been kneading his knuckles in anticipation) and gave Kali a sour look.

"Don't ruin my fun, babe."

"I'm not: I'm simply noting that you're acting like a five year-old."

"I would _love_ to meet the five year-old that giggles in anticipation of violent bloodshed." He snorted.

"I've met a few."

"I'll bet you have. Now _shh!_" He hissed, whirling back to watch the barn with the kind of stare that was so intense that it was ridiculous. They were perched on a small cliff that overlooked the farmer's property, in particular the barn. Gabriel was crouching behind a rock, watching silently and almost _bouncing_ with eagerness.

Kali rolled her eyes and went back to texting Radha. Given that her fellow goddess was involved with Krishna, she could sympathize with Kali on a number of levels (Though Radha was too easy-going and sweet natured to actually take _issue_ with Krishna's jokes).

"Are you _giggling?_" Kali asked suddenly when she heard an odd noise come from Gabriel's direction.

"_Ssssh!_" It had been a soft squeal of anticipation: The farmer had entered the barn. Kali reluctantly tucked her phone back into her purse, crossed her arms and waited, counting the seconds, because any moment now-

The lights flickered on, and the farmer screamed.

She couldn't see his face, but Kali knew him well enough to know that Gabriel was grinning like the fool he was.

A moment later the farmer came tearing out of the barn, still screaming. Not half a minute after, a multitude of turkeys stumbled out after him. Their gobbles sounded like moans, and they seemed to be _dragging _themselves, like they were-

…Seriously?

"Zombie turkeys, Gabriel? Really?"

"Yes! YES!" Gabriel cackled madly, jumping on top of the rock he'd been crouching behind. He wasn't talking to her specifically. "FLY, MY PRETTIES! FLY! CONSUME FLESH AND _BRAINS!_ _MUAAHAHAHAHA!_"

Kali pinched the bridge of her nose.

"Turkeys can't fly."

As if on cue, about half of the turkeys jumped into the air and began to beat their wings, managing to stay aloft. They began to close in on the abusive farmer from both above and below.

Gabriel was still mad-scientist cackling.

"I _really_ know how to pick 'em." Kali mumbled to herself.

"Oh, _come on!_" Gabriel broke character for a moment and whirled back around to face her. "This is justice! Payback! I think in your pantheon they call it _karma_, right?"

"We take it _seriously_ in my pantheon."

"When have you ever known me to be serious?"

"And what's more," Kali continued as the farmer continued to howl in terror as the freakish parade of undead turkeys grew closer to him. "We don't need to punish in life. When that farmer is reincarnated, it will most likely be as an animal prone to being abused- If you want irony, it would probably be a turkey."

"But I'm not that _patient_." Gabriel huffed as moan-gobbles perforated the air behind him.

"I'd noticed."

"_GAAAAAAAAH!_"

SLAM.

Gabriel turned back to see that the farmer had shut himself inside his house. Bother. "Well, pardon me for thinking that you might actually _enjoy_ this." He leaned forward, squinting at the door and trying to think of a creative way in which the turkeys could get inside.

Then, without warning, the sound of a tractor revving buzzed through the night. Driverless, it came rolling out of the storage shed and over to the turkeys, the leader promptly hobbling into the driver's seat and pointing himself towards the door of the house.

"_LOBBLE-LOBBLE-LAWWWWWWL_…"

_**CRASH**_.

"_AAAAAAGH! NO!_ _**NOOOOO!**_"

Gabriel grinned, and then slowly pivoted back around to look at Kali, who was giving him her usual 'Yes yes I indulged you can we go now' expression as the sounds of the zombie-turkey apocalypse massacre was more than audible below.

"I love you, babe." Her lips twitched.

"And I love you. Now seriously: Bury the birds. I want to leave."

-End


End file.
